the theme was 'christ incarnated through the family', and i shared about my experiences growing up to an ultra-conservative household where sunday was almost everyday, family rosaries had a weekly quota, and bible studies were made part of the domestic curriculum.
this would have been unimaginable, say, five years back -- since during those days, when my own intellectual pursuits were leading me towards a world that was dominated by logic and rationality, faith was an abstraction that my mind instinctively rejected.
i was an agnostic back then, and it did not help that the institution that represented my faith was wracked with dark and brooding evil. and it absolutely did not help that i was immersed in a university that prioritized the refinement of knowledge above all else, spiritual conquests were relegated to the periphery.
but now, i can say that i have my faith.
but it's something personal, and i do not subject myself to the social constructs of religion -- because these constructs, after all, are dictated by the dominants and the religious hegemons.
i believe in a higher being, but i do not subscribe to the claims of predetermination.
i have my faith, but i still think that the holy men in cloth are not so holy, and in some cases, they are the unholiest in society.
i believe in the divine, but i do not allow the stars to dictate my fate -- since i am more inclined to embrace the worldview of atheists that you define your life; not fate, not destiny, and definitely not detached externalities.
but given this perceived and concedable inchoateness of my religious beliefs, and my strong suspicion that i will be rejected by religious purists (DUH), should i be worried that at the end of the day, i am still excluded from the chaste and the pure?
again, i do not care.
all i care about is i have my god, and even when the pope has unceasingly lashed out at contemporary pseudo-religiosities and quasi-concepts of religious relativism, i do not fucking care.
all i care about is i have my god, and i have a faith that i am solely accountable to.
and oh, i also have a wish for my nine morning masses.