how are you?
it's heart-warming to know that you are okay.
me? well, i really can't tell.
what is being okay really? is it being subdued by your knowledge that life is perfect, the sky is blue, the birds are chirping, and your mug is brimming with beer froth?
if that is the standard for adequate happiness, then i clearly digress from the mold: so i must be truthful to you and own up to my misery.
i find perfect sense, nowadays, in the regularity of being submerged underneath the suffocating cloud of law books and jurisprudence, but during days when the monotony becomes unbearable and my brain bleeds from constantly being beaten to the pulp, i look at the scars on my hands, and i think:
are these hands capable of the greater task that lies ahead? are they capable of sustaining more wounds and shedding more blood for the dream that is incapable of death?
or am i merely duping myself into believing that this is the path that i am destined to tread?
law school, thus far, has sifted out from my soul the duality of my innate frailty and my long-forgotten capacity for optimism. for during dark days when my own humanity incapacitates me to continue trudging forward, i am reminded of why my life, for countless times before, had silently imploded right before my eyes.
but during days when my spirit is indefatigable and i see light in even the darkest of nights, i am buoyed by my knowledge that even when i think it to be impossible, i am, after all, still capable of optimism.
at this point, i am uncertain as to whether the stars will align for me, or if the universe has laid down a path that is unknown to me yet. and i know i do not have the most persevering spirit, but when my heart tells me to keep moving forward, i am in no position to argue against what it wills me to do.
for when death devours my soul and there is nothing left to cling on to for redemption but hope, i know my heart will reattach my broken pieces back and whisper to me the words that will give me courage.