Wednesday, March 13

with all that i am.

maybe, just maybe, you are beautiful because you are not, and can never be, mine.

when i am with you, my heart genuinely smiles; but even when it does, my mind does
not yield, because it is aware of the sad truth that you are only fleeting,
incapable of constancy.

when our fingers are interlocked, i feel the serenity of how it is to be loved,
but when we part ways, my soul is strained with thoughts of you drifting away.
i need you to be mine, even when we're apart -- because i cannot sustain the
onslaught of paranoia when only your scent lingers, and i have nothing to cling
on to but only the memory of you.

if i have to tell you, everytime we are together, the world around me 
is suspended and fades into obscurity; 
an irony really, because it is only in this momentary blur 
when the truth becomes pristinely clear and simple. 

i used to think the heart is incapable of skipping a beat, because this
was only a ploy to make viewers weep in tragic love stories, but when i'm with
you, the thin line that separates reality from fantasy can no longer be delineated,
and i cannot help but smile and be thankful for having loved someone so deeply
and so passionately.

i hate that i know i have to let you go, because you have stirred something so
beautiful in me, albeit for just a fleeting, transient moment. but i also do know
that if i yield to impulse and love you now, the world that i have painstakingly
created through the years will start to crumble down. 

because i have the gift of
clairvoyance, i know that you will not sustain, and even if you've assured me
time and again that you are no longer the person that you used to be, i know
better -- because once upon a time, you have broken my heart and made me question
the genuinity of emotions.

i love you, believe me i do, but we can never be the we that we have always
wanted ourselves to be. the flurry of kisses, hushed affection, momentary
goodbyes, and occassional hellos will always be that and nothing more. my heart
weeps as i bid you goodbye, but we both know that this is the right thing to do.

i love you passionately, yes; but with all that i am and all that i have, 
i need to bid you goodbye.