Sunday, January 2

my only resolution.

every year, I always get optimistic, especially if it's the first day.

i know that resolutions are so cliche, and that we can easily will ourselves to become better in any given day, but to be back on square one is always the best time to try to streamline our lives and strive to become better persons.

for me, there is always something redemptive in clean slates, and everything depends on our resolve to sustain what our resolutions will be, and not be wishy-washy in trying to incorporate these newfound learnings in our lives.

i was thinking of a good resolution for 2011, and after scanning my room for a short while, it was obvious what i needed to do with my life for this year.

my fan was on. the night light was illuminating my room at one in the afternoon. the radio commentator was busy chattering away about the latest political ruckus involving the mayor and city funds that were allegedly squandered by his minions in the city council. my bathroom CR's light was turned on. and all this while i was tucked comfortably in bed, lost in my thoughts and wandering away with my new year musings.

then the resolution that i needed became so lucid i was convinced i could feel how palpable it was if i attempted to touch it with my bare hands.

i need to assess what i really want in life. no, N E E D is more apt.

for right in that room, i was wasting electricity away, and i did not even need the night light, the radio's incessant noise, nor the CR's illumination.

not only was i wasting electricity, but the benefits that these items could potentially bring me were not that optimized, because i was not fully aware that they were even there. i just let them be. i lorded over these inanimate objects just because i had the capacity to.

of course, there was a need for this to transcend.

i've realized that for the year that was, most of my grief came from the fact that my emotional investments were, for the most part, diffused. i've invested in certain people, irrespective of how intense or negligible they were, and most times, i've been distressing about how they reciprocated my emotions. i was a complete scatterheart, if ever there is a term, and my emotional state was largely dependent on these few scattered people.

the end result was of course tragic: i ended up not loving any one the way one deserves to be loved, and i did not feel the intensity of their emotions because i was too busy looking for other people to love, or hurt -- whichever is more apt.

for this year, i will try to look for what i TRULY need.

in my room, it's only the electric fan, to keep me from being melted by the sun's heat.

and in my life, it's that one single person who i can love, and who can love me unconditionally as well.

23 comments:

Will said...

Straight from Inquirer's Classified Ads.

Hahahaha! Peace, Clyde.

(insert my kick-ass comment here, alam mo na yun.) hahahaha

claudiopoi said...

haha.

wag mo na ilagay yung comment mo. baka masabunutan ka pa. haha :)

ang bibo kid talaga ni will o!

M.I. said...

I hope you'll find what your looking for.

Cheers to the New Year Claudio. :)

claudiopoi said...

thanks MI! :)

asiong32 said...

happy new year claudiopoi!
kung anuman yang truly need mo na yan eh sana mahanap mo...hapi new year uli! hehe

Nowitzki Tramonto said...

to love and to be loved unconditionally... hmmm... :)

Carlo said...

ayun nauna nanaman si will. naks. hehe.

mas madaling mag off ng ilaw kesa hintayin o hanapin yung "single person" haha. jokes lang.

wish you the best, sir. inom na yan!

The Gasoline Dude said...

Ambigat ng resolution mo Pards. Ilang taon ka na ba? LOL!

KikomaxXx said...

oo nga hanap na lovelife men daghan pa isda sa balod... hahhaa

claudiopoi said...

asiong, thanks mehn. sana nga mahanap ko siya this year.

nowitzki, hm. yes. hehe. :) diba ganun naman talaga dapat? :p

carlo, tama sir! galing na naman ako sa inom. haha. inom lang ako ng inom, pero wala naman akong nahahanap. shet.

gas dude, honga eh. hehe. 26 pa lang ako. pero feeling ko ang tanda ko na. masyado bang mabigat ang resolution for my age? hehe.

kikomax: may unta makapangita pa lagi kog isda! hehe. :)

Tsina said...

Happy 2011!

Goodluck sa mga plans. =)

Peter said...

How about a post every week? - as a resolution. Happy new year.

claudiopoi said...

hi miss china! :)) salamat naman poehwz.

peter, ill try to do more than once a week. hehe. happy new year to you, peter! :)

iprovoked said...

Happy New Year! I wish you all the best this 2011. :P

claudiopoi said...

thanks iprovoked! i wish you the same thing poehwz!

glentot said...

You can't just have one fan in your life, marami ka nang fans haha ang corny lang ng joke ko.

My 2011 is all about cleaning up after my mess. After all, I seriously hope that the world ends in 2012 so it's about time I prepared myself for the great cross over... So for starters I cleaned my room, changed my sheets, scrubbed the tiles and threw out the trash. As for the mess in my life, I have 361 days left...

Whatever we resolve to do, I believe we can all do it. White-knuckled, yes but it's possible...

Nowitzki Tramonto said...

@ claudiopoi: ahaha. uu nga :) i think we all yearn naman for that.

claudiopoi said...

glenn, talagang pinaninindigan mo ang mayan calendar na yan? if that movie comes true, kasali ang pilipinas sa mga unang mga bansang lulubog. at dahil wala tayong 1billion euro, mamatay nalang tayo sa lintek na tsunami na yan. haha.

pero on a more serious note, tama. i know i can do this. especially that i have vowed to seize this year and make it MY year.

nowitzki, paturo po ng editing! haha :)

Toilet Thoughts said...

"and in my life, it's that one single person who i can love, and who can love me unconditionally as well"

naks sa resolution. habol sa Feb 14. joke lang!

Hope you find what your looking for, or it finds you. :)

Happy new year! (napadaan)

claudiopoi said...

hi mr toiled thoughts! sana nga makahabol. JOOOOOOOOKE! hehe.

mangyayari naman ang dapat mangyari eh. the universe knows what it's doing. CHAR. haha.

salamat sa pagbisita poehwz!

Deej said...

My new years resolution is 1024x600. *kidding* :)

Resolutions are indeed cliche but I still made one. I think I will add this resolution to my list.

Reminded me of a quote in my phone:

"Have space for those that really matter."

tim said...

whoa, it's nice to check our self and see if we grow up or not.. nice post..

claudiopoi said...

hi deej! inggit naman ako sa resolution mo. ang klaro klaro kase! :)

tim, welcome kaibigan! and salamat naman sa compliment. :)