Monday, November 15

when i think of you.

when i think of you,

i remember the only time that i was in love. we were both young and reckless, but very much in love, and in the world that we created together, no one existed but us, and nothing mattered but our love. i remember being totally ensnared by it, but i remember not caring that i was. you sustained my breathing, and i was the air that kept you alive.

when i think of you,

i remember our first kiss. it was sweet and brief, but poignant. back then, we were in a world that was swirling with alcohol and bliss. i remember gently kissing you just when you least expected me to, and the distinct taste of you and sanmig light still makes my heart breathe from time to time. i remember telling you then that the beer tasted sweeter in your lips, and you smiled as you told me that i was a smooth talker. but you would later on learn that i was not luring you with my words, but that that kiss would be the prelude to the grandest love story that both of us will ever know.

when i think of you,

i remember that moment when we were enveloped by the darkness of a starless night as we searched for fireflies in sunken garden. it was about 8 pm, i was sitting with my legs crossed in one of the benches in front of phan, and i was kept warm by your lovely presence and the death sticks that i was puffing without restraint. with wide-eyed amazement, you told me that the prancing fireflies were beautiful, and in my mind, i said yes they were, but they were not as beautiful as you. as their heavenly wings fluttered in the world that we created that night, we got lost in the blur of hushed affection and whispered promises. as we were in the midst of dancing fireflies and the early december evening breeze, i was certain that i loved you, and that you loved me, too. i still recall that you rested your head in my shoulders as we allowed that beautiful night to be enseeped right into our hearts. we stared into nothingness as time stood still, and we marveled at how two people could be so in love under the inexplicable randomness of the stars.

when i think of you,

i remember the countless times that we would both cry because there was no other way to emancipate the emotions that were brewing inside us. you would cry when you stared at me, and i would do the same thing, because we would be consumed with love that was so profound, it was pristinely beautiful. i remember hugging you tight right after these exhilarating sessions, and kissing you constantly to assure you that my promises are forever, and that i intend to love you for as long as i live.

when i think of you,

i get bitter. because i know that i am capable of so much love, and yet, i choose to believe that i am going to end up alone, and that my heart has ceased to exist for love. i get bitter because i know i will never experience the euphoria of being in love again, and not caring about bruises and wounds, because i simply choose to be in love. i get bitter because i remember loving you once upon a time ago, and i am reminded that love can exist for me, too.

when i think of you,

i miss who i used to be when i was with you.
i miss the beautiful sunsets.
and the constant promise of love.


Will said...

hmmm. la pa rin talaga ako maisip. hahaha. naka-relate?

claudiopoi said...

haha. oo, ikaw na ang nakarelate!
ipost mo na yung post mo na may bubble wrap, bilis! haha :D

Will said...

Depende kung emo ako pagdating ng araw na yun. haha, sana sa sobrang busy ko sa thesis, makalimutan ko yun. :p

Andy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
claudiopoi said...

ewan ko sayo andy!!!

Anonymous said...

when i think of you... hmmp wag na.. ansakit pa... wahehehe

Nimmy said...

thank you contestant number 6! that's a very nice answet. chos.

ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

parang di ako nakahinga sa post nato. ang sakit. i love!

i recently rediscovered this poem na i really loved noon noon pa. i think you might like it. here's an excerpt. it's called yesterday i cried.


I cried for all the things I had given,
only to have them stolen;
for all the things I had asked for that
had yet to show up;
for all the things I had accomplished,
only to give them away,
to people in circumstances,
which left me feeling empty,
and battered and plain old used.

I cried because there really does
come a time when the only thing left
for you to do is cry.


our natl hero tells us we have to remember our origin to get to our destination. i don't think he meant walk backwards. be well, claudipoi!

Andy said...

the more you let that person linger un your thoughts, the harder ti move on..

Anonymous said...

lol @nimmy

hayan na e... wit ko bet ang mga ganitech na eksenabelles. me naalala na naman akembang. haggard!!!

glentot said...

You sound a little... depressed. Like you realized doom and chained yourself to it. Which is fun. I don't like it when people who are in love take things lightly. Love isn't a light and breezy thing, it's a heavy burden we all choose to carry.

Yj said...

skip read...

ayoko ng ganitong post bwahahahaha

@ Andy... if i know nag skip read ka din...

@ Glentot... walang hiya ka! minemorize mo talaga yang linya ko kagabi about love? animal ka!

Poi... saka ko na balikan ang post na ito... pag masayang masaya na ako.... yaiy

claudiopoi said...

YJ! nabuhay ka! amishooo! hehehe :D
kamusta ang session nyo kagabi? :)

Herbs D. said...

i just love to hate love. Its so fucked up and full of plain old irony. God i love it!

claudiopoi said...

haha. herbs! welcome to my house! finally, stina-stalk mo na din ako! :D

Herbs D. said...

You had it coming cutie ;p

Anonymous said...

tol... sensya nakalimotan ko ito pala yung blog mo hindi pala yong isa.. pero ok ba tong pangpalit dun o huwag nalang? wahehehe/... baka magagalit ka...

VICTOR said...

Stars and fireflies are often a dangerous combination. I'm lucky I live in a polluted city where smoke eats the sky and where non-pest insect life is nearly extinct.

claudiopoi said...

Victor, perhaps that's the reason why you aren't jaded yet?


Ester Yaje said...

oh? ba't parang feeling ko ang sakit sakit. woah! parang tinamaan ata ako. tsk tsk. galing ng pagkasulat! e s-save ko tong site mo :)

Dhianz said...

awww... hangsarap naman nang pagkasabi moh nang mga words ditoh... maybe when she thinks of you she almost missed ur sweetness to her... eniweiz.. naligaw here from wafung glentot.. ingatz.. Godbless! -di

Carlo said...

seryosong comment ito clyde. naramdaman ko ang emotion sa post mo na to. ambigat.

Anonymous said...

This is beautiful, in the most heart-wrenching way. And I mean this with the most heart-wrenching honesty. :) -Mingkay

Iced Greco said...

Oh wow.