when i think of you.

when i think of you,

i remember the only time that i was in love. we were both young and reckless, but very much in love, and in the world that we created together, no one existed but us, and nothing mattered but our love. i remember being totally ensnared by it, but i remember not caring that i was. you sustained my breathing, and i was the air that kept you alive.

when i think of you,

i remember our first kiss. it was sweet and brief, but poignant. back then, we were in a world that was swirling with alcohol and bliss. i remember gently kissing you just when you least expected me to, and the distinct taste of you and sanmig light still makes my heart breathe from time to time. i remember telling you then that the beer tasted sweeter in your lips, and you smiled as you told me that i was a smooth talker. but you would later on learn that i was not luring you with my words, but that that kiss would be the prelude to the grandest love story that both of us will ever know.

when i think of you,

i remember that moment when we were enveloped by the darkness of a starless night as we searched for fireflies in sunken garden. it was about 8 pm, i was sitting with my legs crossed in one of the benches in front of phan, and i was kept warm by your lovely presence and the death sticks that i was puffing without restraint. with wide-eyed amazement, you told me that the prancing fireflies were beautiful, and in my mind, i said yes they were, but they were not as beautiful as you. as their heavenly wings fluttered in the world that we created that night, we got lost in the blur of hushed affection and whispered promises. as we were in the midst of dancing fireflies and the early december evening breeze, i was certain that i loved you, and that you loved me, too. i still recall that you rested your head in my shoulders as we allowed that beautiful night to be enseeped right into our hearts. we stared into nothingness as time stood still, and we marveled at how two people could be so in love under the inexplicable randomness of the stars.

when i think of you,

i remember the countless times that we would both cry because there was no other way to emancipate the emotions that were brewing inside us. you would cry when you stared at me, and i would do the same thing, because we would be consumed with love that was so profound, it was pristinely beautiful. i remember hugging you tight right after these exhilarating sessions, and kissing you constantly to assure you that my promises are forever, and that i intend to love you for as long as i live.

when i think of you,

i get bitter. because i know that i am capable of so much love, and yet, i choose to believe that i am going to end up alone, and that my heart has ceased to exist for love. i get bitter because i know i will never experience the euphoria of being in love again, and not caring about bruises and wounds, because i simply choose to be in love. i get bitter because i remember loving you once upon a time ago, and i am reminded that love can exist for me, too.

when i think of you,

i miss who i used to be when i was with you.

i miss the beautiful sunsets.

and the constant promise of love.