para sa aking kalaguyo.

sometimes it chokes me; at times, it just caresses me.

i refer to it as ‘it’ because each time it visits me during ungodly hours, it takes the form of an androgynous creature.

sometimes, when i’m really lucky, i get a glimpse of its face before it dissipates into fleeting wisps of air, each time bringing with it the chilling night breeze.

most times however, especially when i’m in deep slumber, i just feel the caress of its formless embrace and the smooth silk of my blanket as, like a slimy reptile, it slithers its way into my body.

this morning, as i slowly opened my eyes to greet the first few streaks of the early morning light, i felt a great amount of weight pinning me to my bed.

and as my eyes adjusted to the light, i felt the nudge of what seemed like a head on my shoulder and a hand over my chest – its weight rendering me defenseless and helpless, even as i struggled to escape from its clutches.

then i heard it whisper: “sama ka na sa ilalim."

and for the first time since i arrived here, i prayed.

it has been over six months now that i resettled here, and although i am, by nature, a skeptic, i am slowly and silently believing that they exist.

(ito yung labletter ko para sa succubus na bumibisita at humahalay sa akin gabi gabi nung 2007-2008.)