Sunday, March 13
it's amazing how through time, we change without us even realizing that we have become different people.
sometimes, the demarcation of what used to be and what presently is becomes so pronounced that we even question: has it been that long?
i was in a pensive mood last night after the endless spell of boredom finally made me check my old friendster account. the distinction of who i used to be -- from my writing, pictures, and blog -- is a far cry from the jaded person that i am right now.
back then, promises weren't empty and a kiss was as sweet as the first flower that blooms in spring. i found myself scratching my head, partly in awe, after i reread what i wrote about me in my account.
after just two years, where has this person gone to?
Wednesday, March 2
there is no tragedy far worse than the feeling of being unloved, or more damning, the feeling of being unlovable.
this was what i had gathered from my friend dawn in one of our recent conversations after we have lost touch for quite some time.
dawn was a blockmate in diliman, and after having graduated with honors in college, she immediately went to singapore where, apart from being suddenly immersed in a foreign culture, she had her first boyfriend — a singaporean whom she believed was her first true love.
dawn, who was the sweetest and most thoughtful blockmate that i had in college, suddenly appeared cold, broken and lifeless to me — because unfortunately, her first relationship was with a foreign man who was neither warm, thoughtful, nor caring. and after she took pains to understanding him, and tried changing her ways just to make the relationship work, he had left her without a proper goodbye, and he had moved on to someone new.
i have always been awful at giving advice, and i know i do not always have the most consoling words when a friend needs rescuing, but this time, comforting words came naturally to me. perhaps it was because i have been in a similar situation before, or i knew that heartaches were one of the the hardest afflictions to cure — but i felt her pain at that instant, and i knew that no human being deserved to be treated that way.
‘move on.. you are a good catch.. and i’m sure you will find someone new..’
and although i did not see her cry before me, her words bore the wounds of a fragile heart that was so carelessly shattered into pieces.
but i mourn for her, and for everyone else who had to go through such a painful journey, because no one deserves to feel cursed, nor be convinced that they are unlovable. it’s just that some people are innately evil, and sometimes, they prey upon people who are capable of so much affection.
as for my friend dawn, i know she will be okay. but for now, i will just let her be and let her heal — because i know that after everything subsides,